A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores.

“That fellow from Sematol will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I’ve hung a nail by the right stall so you’ll know which one I want him to impregnate.”

Satisfied that even his mentally challenged wife could understand the instructions, the farmer left for town.

That afternoon, the ‘Inseminator’ arrives, and the wife dutifully takes him out to the barn and directly to the stall with the nail.

“This is the horse right here,” she tells him.

“What’s the nail for?” the guy asks.

Replies the wife, “I guess its to hang up your pants.”

A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. “Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?” he yells. No one answers. “All right, I’m gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain’t outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas.” He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town. The bartender walks out of the bar and asks, “Say pardner, what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turns to him, and says, “I had to bloody walk home.”

I got ya another good tongue twister… hahaha

There was a barren whore
who fucked a bear, also a boar.
The bear could not fuck the boar.
The boar fucked the bear a bore.
At last the bear could fuck no more
Of that boar that bored him to the whore,
And so the whore fucked off the boar–
That boar will bore the bear no more.

Signs your girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: When she comes over to your house, she runs into your room with a sledge hammer and bashes your German Shepherd, Shasha, all the while saying, “Stop trying to steal my boyfriend, you fucking BITCH!!!!”

9: When she comes over to your house she ignores you and snuggles up to your Schnauzer(the DOG, you pervert!!!!) says “Hello, handsome, wanna play?” in order to make you jealous.

8: She buys you a chain and a leash for your birthday and instead of the usual necktie.

7: You tell her that you went to goof off for a while and rushes to the phone, checking out all of the zoos, animal shelters and stables in the area for any “unusual activity that happened within 24 hours.”

6: She took you to the vet instead of the doctor when you got sick with the flu.

5: She won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell her you sleep with the dog, she hopes that’s all you do.

3: Whenever a hot sexy dogwalker passes by the two of you, she gets jealous of the dogs, not the chick.

2: You spend countless hours that the guy in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin brother (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Girlfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: You wake up from a wild night of having sex with her and discover that she had you locked up in a cage with a doghouse while you were sleeping.

Signs your Boyfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: He insists on having the dog he gave you last Chirstmas be neutered at once and when asked he just mutters, “Better to be safe than sorry…”

9: He thinks that you had something to do about the way his pet eel died when you were looking after his apartment while he was away.

8: You look at his computer and notice that he bookmarked “Signs That Your Girlfriend is an Animal Lover” page from a website. You also note that he also bookmarked “Signs Your Girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover” from THIS site.

7: You have a fight with him after you and your girlfriend went to an aquarium exhibit. Later after you two made up and are having sex, he looks at you suspiciously in the eye and asks, “Honey, why does your pussy smell fishy?”

6: He won’t take you to the zoo anymore.

5: He won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell him you sleep with the dog, he hopes that’s all you do.

3: You tell him that the reason you were late was because you got detained by the police and he asks, “Which one, the Horse Patrol Unit of the K9 Unit?”

2: You spend countless hours that the girl in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin sister (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Boyfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: He growls at every dog that passes by saying, “Stay away from MY bitch, you mutts!”

Hey! I got ya another one. Enjoy!!!

I fucked a dog sucking Kate.
I fucked a dog,
he fucked me,
and she sucked a dog.

I got ya another one!!! Enjoy!!!

Sarah suck a sucked-hot sash sheep
that sucked of hot-sucked sheep
as the sunshine shone
on the side of the sucked-hot sheep shed.

Reasons Why Fucking Horses is Better than Fucking Dogs

Horses don’t give you rabies.

They don’t bite either.

You can ride them as long as you want.

They are BIG.

They have lots of stamina.

They are really BIG.

You can suck and bang them at the same time.

They are really, REALLY, BIG.

They don’t bark and annoy the neighbors to get your attention.

They are REALLY FUCKING BIG.

And here’s another one for you to enjoy!!!!

How much of you would a woodchuck fuck
if a woodchuck could fuck you?
A woodchuck would fuck, he would, as much as he could,
and fuck as much you as a woodchuck would
if a woodchuck could fuck you.

Don’t say around non-horse people….

Part 1

Horse people… don’t say these in public; Sure, you’re just talking about horses or horse stuff…. but non-horse people may get the wrong idea and become confused, embarrassed, or afraid of you.

Do you like my breast collar?

His sheath was really dirty, but I cleaned it.

In the winter, his Ass gets really hairy.

Don’t jump on him, sit down gently.

What a lovely Jackass!

She wants to breed to my stud.

There’s nothing like 17 hands between you legs!

Can I pet your Ass?

He had a bad attitude, so we castrated him.

He’s got a lot of stamina, you can ride him all day long.

Is she a maiden?

I wanted to breed to her stud, but he’s all booked this season.

Reasons Why Fucking Horses is Better than Fucking Humans

Horses don’t give you AIDS.

They don’t make you pregnant either.

You can ride them as long as you want.

They are BIG.

They have lots of stamina(unlike some men I know….).

They are really BIG.

You can suck and bang them at the same time.

They are really, REALLY, BIG.

They don’t gossip and brag about they’re sex life with other to get soothe their egos.

They are REALLY FUCKING BIG.